Attention, Authors!

Awards season is almost here. The American Library Association's midwinter conference is just a couple weeks away. You know what that means. If you're in the running for a prestigious ALA award or YALSA book list, the wait can be brutal. Well, stress no more.

Introducing Cry-Away

Thanks to amazing advances in cryogenic technology, we are now able to freeze you into a state of suspended animation. For a modest fee, we can help those dreadful pre-conference weeks pass in a flash of frozen bliss. No more haunting the ALA web site, clicking on the refresh button with the frenzy of a Skinnerian pigeon. No more scanning lists of committee members and trying to remember which one you bonded with and which one you spilled a drink on last year. No more fruitless searches through Amazon in an attempt to dig up just one bad reader review of the competition.

Cry-Away offers three convenient plans, to match all levels of author angst and neediness.

Plan A -- The Hemingway: We gently wake you as soon as the Printz, Caldecott, and Newbery are announced. If you've won, we hand you a glass of champagne. If you've lost, we hand you the whole bottle.

Plan B -- The Washington Irving: We wake you after all the awards and lists have been announced. If you prefer, we can keep you frozen until the first state award nominations start rolling in.

Plan C -- The Hamlet: We only wake you if you win.

We are conveniently located at numerous Mom and Popsicle locations nationwide. Call today for a free brochure. Operators are standing by.