DOUBLE VISIONS
by
David Lubar

Hey folks -- guess what? Those masterminds who made the world so much richer by colorizing all those drab and boring classic films like Casablanca and It's a Wonderful Life have come up with yet another way to enrich the lives of people far and wide. Duplex Entertainment, in a move to help busy viewers get the most pleasure from their leisure time, has just announced the creation of Double Visions (tm). In a stroke of brilliance, and with the help of massive computing power, they've created a series of videos that feature two classic television episodes skillfully melded into one stunning product. Yes, you heard me right, two episodes in one. Here's in a TV Guide exclusive is a rundown of their hottest series.

MARY TYLER M*A*S*H makes its debut with a release called HENRY THE CLOWN. In this wrenching episode, Colonel Henry Blake goes down in flames and is eulogized by Mary Richards. She feels so bad about laughing at the funeral that she allows herself to be seduced by Hawkeye.

LAVERNE AND LUCY -- an out-of-control conveyor belt carrying endless beers sets the stage for a hilarious episode where the girls chug their way to oblivion while Fred, Ricky, Lenny, and Squiggy play poker. In the climax, hilarious antics abound as Laverne and Lucy try to sneak into Carmine's dance routine.

MURPHY X -- The veteran television journalist gives birth to something strange and drippy. Miles gets spirited away, never to be seen again. Corky smokes a cigarette.

THE TWILIGHT MOONERS -- In the premier episode, TO SERVE HUMMINA HUMMINA HUMMINA, Ralph and Norton buy ad time to pitch a cookbook given to them by aliens. In later episodes, the buddies visit a pool hall that is actually a funeral home, crash on an alien planet that turns out to be Hoboken, NJ, and get plastic surgery so they can look like everyone else.

I'M DICKENS, HE'S FESTER -- a pair of bumbling repairmen find they may not know much about wiring but they can always manage to get light bulbs to turn on. (TV fans will be especially pleased to see John Astin in two roles.)

FERRIS BUELER CAN'T PARK -- Parker Lewis and Ferris Bueller wander around for a while, go to school, drive some cars, and then fade from our memory.

I'VE GOT A SEINFELD -- A panel of celebrities tries to guess what incredibly mundane activity the guest has just performed. The winner gets a great bowl of soup, but no bread. The losers get to return to their own domain.

BONANZA VICE -- Two partying cops keep their houseboat on a ranch and help a tight-knit family fight off rustlers. Things get a little dicey when Hop Sing cooks Sonny's alligator.

I DREAM OF DOOGIE -- An astronaut's life changes when he finds a very young doctor in a bottle. The doctor learns responsibility from the astronaut. The astronaut learns about investing in oil wells from the doctor.

ROUTE 90210 -- Spoiled and somewhat kooky rich kids drive around in search of adventure with the top down and the riders unbuckled.

Copyright © 1996 by David Lubar