WHY KIRKUS REVIEWS

TRASHED HIDDEN TALENTS

by

David Lubar

1. They don't like novels that devote an entire chapter to setting up a scene involving the world's largest lit fart.

2. They prefer a third-person limited viewpoint to that of a first-person, snotty-nosed, wise-mouthed, adolescent viewpoint.

3. There's no reason to assume they actually didn't like it. When you're cranking out tons of reviews, you can't always take time out for reading.

4. They know for a fact that kids don't like funny books, and even if they did they should be reading something grim and impenetrable instead because it builds character.

5. Just to be different.

6. They actually loved it and thus, in the grandest tradition of the Olympics, could think of no higher words of praise than "amateurish effort."

7. They operate on the principle that anything enjoyable can't possibly be good for you.

8. Because it was there.

9. They flipped a coin and it came up tails.

10. They are actually an unwitting tool of God, who knows in His infinite wisdom that this is a wonderful way to remind me to maintain my humility.

If you stumbled across this page because you've also been trashed by a nasty and ignorant review, take heart. I'm still here and doing just fine. Sure, it hurts, it's unfair, and it shouldn't happen. But they're playing a mean-spirited game, and nobody takes them seriously. If you really need to lift your spirits, call every library in your area and ask if they subscribe to Kirkus Reviews. You'll be pleased to see how few have even heard of it. Hang in there, keep writing, and take pleasure from the fact that your book has been published.