Get Real

David Lubar

Here are eleven things to say to people who think writing for kids isn't real writing.

1. You're right—it isn't really writing. But I'll tell you a secret—the kids aren't really reading, so it all works out.

2. I feel incredible guilt every time I cash a check.

3. Yeah, but I get time to go out and play while the serious writers have to work on their 500-page manuscripts.

4. You're just saying that because you have to drive to work and I don't.

5. And for the life of me, I can't explain what ever came over E. B. White or C.S. Lewis or all those other real writers who slipped up and wasted their time writing for kids.

6. But the money is helping put me through law school so I can make the world a better place.

7. Are you sure? I mean, I'm using the same kind of paper that real writers use, and I even bought a laser printer. Darn, I thought it was real.

8. Oh, you're just saying that because you are incredibly stupid.

9. Who among us can say what is real...?

10. That's just a nasty rumor that got started because our alcoholism and suicide rate is so much lower than it is for the literary crowd.

11. You're absolutely right, and since you are obviously a real writer I hope you will stick to your principles and never write for children.

"Get Real" Copyright © 1997 by David Lubar