You probably think of fairies, if you think of them at all, as wonderful little creatures flying happily through the forest, dancing and singing and making merry. Let me tell you something: Fairies might look lovely on the outside, but inside they are ugly, real ugly. Fairies are mean and vicious. They've got teeth like tiny needles. One bite wouldn't hurt much. But I'm pretty sure they wouldn't stop at one; they'd keep biting and chewing until they hit something vital. Fairies aren't good news. I know. Let me tell you about my fairy in a jar.

That's the opening from "Fairy in a Jar." It was the first really good horror story I ever wrote. The idea came to me in a flash. It also came to me in the shower, but that's another story. I was so inspired by it, I kept writing stories. Some were creepy, some were funny, and some were both scary and funny. But I think they're all pretty good, and definitely pretty weird. I don't want to overload you with too many samples, but here are a couple other openings to help give you the flavor of the book.

There are large rats in the basement of the apartment building where I live. That's not a problem. Rats don't bother me. There are eight hundred thirty-seven people in the building, not counting me. Eight hundred thirty-six of them are human. There's a vampire in apartment 47-D. That's not a problem, either. He doesn't bother me. No reason for him to. Kids don't have as much blood as adults. If I was a vampire, I wouldn't bother kids, either. To tell the truth, he doesn't bother anyone in the building. I know. I've watched him. Maybe once a week, late in the night, he'll go out to dinner.

That's from "The Vampire's Rat," which is also pretty dark. Just for balance, here's the start of "Kidzilla," which, as you can see, is a lot lighter and weirder.

When I woke up this morning, I was a lizard. I realized something was wrong the moment I rolled out of bed. The frame of the bed broke under my weight. I jumped as the mattress crashed to the floor, but I jumped too high, cracking my head on the ceiling and cracking the ceiling with my head. At the same time, my tail lashed the wall, knocking a large hole next to the window and spreading a shower of plaster. That made me sneeze, and I blew another hole in the wall.

Well, that should give you an idea of what's inside the book. If you want to know more, I've listed the table of contents below, along with a sentence or two about each story.